Doodles of Life: July 2015

Friday, July 24, 2015

What Makes A Good Manager?

With everything that happened recently, I wonder, what makes a good manager? Really. What makes a good manager?

Is it not enough for the manager to be nice?

Is it not enough for the manager to be on his feet all the time?

Is it not enough for the manager to be empathy towards his subordinates?

Is it not enough for the manager to really, give his best in everything he does?

Is it not enough for the manager to be working almost 16 hours a day?

Is it not enough for the manager to skip all his days off that he deserves all this while?

Is it not enough for the manager to be respected by his subordinates?

Is it not enough? Is it not enough? Is it not enough?

I was so devastated when I know that James is no longer our manager. It was so sudden. Everyone was so shocked. I was utterly shocked too because I read the announcement through my email. I knew the news BY EMAIL, guys! BY EMAIL! I heard that few people who were working in PM shift cried when they were informed. (Most of them have been working with James since his first day!).

The mood in my department has been down for the past few days. Everyone is still not happy with the news. The news totally affected our teamwork which is not good. Especially right now as we are becoming busier and busier.

Hopefully everything will be better soon. And, hopefully we will get a better explanation. Hopefully!

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Selamat Hari Raya

Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri kepada semua umat Islam. Maaf zahir dan batin kepada semua makhluk Allah untuk semua salah dan silap yang saya lakukan sepanjang 22 tahun saya hidup dekat muka bumi ni.

Ini kali kedua saya sambut raya di perantauan. Sedih tapi takpelah. Mencari rezeki di negara orang. Kalau tahun lepas, saya kena kerja masa raya pertama, alhamdulillah, tahun ni saya dapat cuti masa raya pertama :)

On the way to Sulphur Mountain
#teamrayatakpakaibajukurung #teamrayaatasgunung #teamrayaperantauan #teamrayacanada
Ok bai!

No fancy celebration for me. No makanan sedap-sedap or kuih raya. No baju raya or baju kurung juga. But, I did something different for this Eid. I celebrated the first day of Eid by hiking the Sulphur Mountain. So yeah, saya raya atas gunung. In fact, my dad called me when I was at the top of the mountain.

Alhamdulillah for this blessing :)

Friday, July 03, 2015

That One Time I Was Crying And Being Bitter At My Workplace

I am not proud of myself, at all, when this situation happened. I tried my best to stay professional all the time. I left all my negative thoughts and bitter feeling at my room before I go to work. But I think I looked like a crazy person and so unprofessional when this happened.

I was not feeling very well the night before. I cried before I went to sleep. And I cried again, after I woke up. I had no idea why I was crying. There was nothing that made me upset or sad. And I don't think the fact that I was feeling unwell was the reason. 

I was thinking about call in sick and rest in my room but then I cancelled my intention because I know we were going to be very busy and no one was gonna come to replace my spot. So I went to work.

Too bad I can't control myself. I started crying again before my shift even started. I guess it started when Mike, my colleague asked me, "How are you, Farah?" which I replied with X. Then he asked me why, which I replied, "I'm not feeling very good today." Sandra, my senior colleague asked me if I'm okay because she saw my teary eyes. James, my manager came to me and asked me if I'm okay. I guess he was worried because I had my head down and I was crying suddenly. He told me that I can tell him if I don't feel very good and if I want to go home.

Then, I started working. I cried again when I was feeding pillowcases. Again, I had no idea why. Lorena, my senior colleague freaked out when she saw me crying. We just laughed it off when I started to feel okay.

Then, I cried again when I was at the receiving end of our press machine. Sandra kept looking at me. I was doing okay for a while after that because I was too occupied. When we were having our briefing, I tried to hold my tears because I did not want everyone to see that I was crying.

Same old. Same old. I cried again when I was taking a break. I was talking to Kelly, my colleague about other stuffs and I suddenly cried. Oh god! What's wrong with my body?! Kelly came up with a theory. She said maybe my sugar level is low because I'm fasting. According to her, low sugar level can make you feel upset. I told her, "I'm not feeling upset right now." She replied, "Maybe you don't feel that way but your body does."

Jason, my assistant manager called me after that. He wanted to ask what time do I prefer to start working because he was doing our next schedule. And guess what, I started crying again in the middle of our conversation, What on earth is happening to me?! He asked me to come into James' and his office. We sat for a good few minutes and we had a good talk, I guess.

He was asking why I was crying which I replied with, "I have no idea!" He came up with few other theories like, "Maybe you feel upset about something" and "Maybe you're not feeling very well." He even said, "You're more than welcome to come to the office if you feel upset and want to talk about something. You can come and cry in the office too. If James and I are not around, just come, and lock the door, and cry your heart out."

I giggled after he said those words. Then, Sandra pulled me to the side and asking if I'm okay again. I replied, "Yes, I'm okay." But then, I cried again when I was feeding napkins. Savita, my senior colleagues kept saying, "Why are you crying, Farah? Are you sick? Please stop crying." I laughed again after that because her reaction was so funny.

That was the episode of me crying at my workplace. Now what about being bitter at my workplace?

You know, when you're not feeling very well and you start crying without solid reason (I'm still figuring out why I was crying), you tend to become oversensitive. I think that's what happened to me. I was being oversensitive and everything became so bitter.

I was at the receiving end of our press machine. I was waiting for our sheets to come out. I sat down for less than a minute while waiting for the sheets, and I guess I had this blank stare. James asked me, "What are you doing, Farah? What are you looking at?" to which I politely replied, "I'm waiting for the sheets to come out." Then, he told me, "You can sort the face cloth while you're waiting, instead of sitting down doing nothing."

Mind you, I was sitting down for less than a minute. I was trying to catch my breath because Jung, my senior colleague was feeding the sheets so fast. And mind you again, I was feeling unwell. I also was so dehydrated by that time.

I don't think James had an ill intention when he was saying that. Like, I really do! But as I said before, I was being oversensitive. I know that but I can't help to feel so bitter after that! I felt like all my hard work all this while are useless and goes unnoticed just because I sat down for less than a minute for one time. 

I kept thinking to myself,

"Like... really James, why you have to pick on me when I am not in my best mood and my best shape."

"I guess you had no idea how hard I was working all this while. You should see yourself how hard I was working before you said that thing to me."

"You should feel thankful that I did not call in sick today."

"I guess I don't have to work as hard as now because you just gonna see the bad things that I did."

Why on earth I was so bitter?!

I just have to remind you again that James who made me feel so bitter is the same James that has been so nice to me. HE IS INDEED VERY NICE TO ME ALL THIS WHILE! I just have to emphasize this fact in case you're getting a wrong idea about him. He's a good manager but as I said, I was being bitter.

And you know what, I feel so sad right now because I truly feel that my hard work are useless as I lost my sincerity in working today. I am hoping to lose this bitter feeling in the next two days and to gain my sincerity back. May Allah ease.
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