That One Time I Was Crying And Being Bitter At My Workplace | Doodles of Life

Friday, July 03, 2015

That One Time I Was Crying And Being Bitter At My Workplace

I am not proud of myself, at all, when this situation happened. I tried my best to stay professional all the time. I left all my negative thoughts and bitter feeling at my room before I go to work. But I think I looked like a crazy person and so unprofessional when this happened.

I was not feeling very well the night before. I cried before I went to sleep. And I cried again, after I woke up. I had no idea why I was crying. There was nothing that made me upset or sad. And I don't think the fact that I was feeling unwell was the reason. 

I was thinking about call in sick and rest in my room but then I cancelled my intention because I know we were going to be very busy and no one was gonna come to replace my spot. So I went to work.

Too bad I can't control myself. I started crying again before my shift even started. I guess it started when Mike, my colleague asked me, "How are you, Farah?" which I replied with X. Then he asked me why, which I replied, "I'm not feeling very good today." Sandra, my senior colleague asked me if I'm okay because she saw my teary eyes. James, my manager came to me and asked me if I'm okay. I guess he was worried because I had my head down and I was crying suddenly. He told me that I can tell him if I don't feel very good and if I want to go home.

Then, I started working. I cried again when I was feeding pillowcases. Again, I had no idea why. Lorena, my senior colleague freaked out when she saw me crying. We just laughed it off when I started to feel okay.

Then, I cried again when I was at the receiving end of our press machine. Sandra kept looking at me. I was doing okay for a while after that because I was too occupied. When we were having our briefing, I tried to hold my tears because I did not want everyone to see that I was crying.

Same old. Same old. I cried again when I was taking a break. I was talking to Kelly, my colleague about other stuffs and I suddenly cried. Oh god! What's wrong with my body?! Kelly came up with a theory. She said maybe my sugar level is low because I'm fasting. According to her, low sugar level can make you feel upset. I told her, "I'm not feeling upset right now." She replied, "Maybe you don't feel that way but your body does."

Jason, my assistant manager called me after that. He wanted to ask what time do I prefer to start working because he was doing our next schedule. And guess what, I started crying again in the middle of our conversation, What on earth is happening to me?! He asked me to come into James' and his office. We sat for a good few minutes and we had a good talk, I guess.

He was asking why I was crying which I replied with, "I have no idea!" He came up with few other theories like, "Maybe you feel upset about something" and "Maybe you're not feeling very well." He even said, "You're more than welcome to come to the office if you feel upset and want to talk about something. You can come and cry in the office too. If James and I are not around, just come, and lock the door, and cry your heart out."

I giggled after he said those words. Then, Sandra pulled me to the side and asking if I'm okay again. I replied, "Yes, I'm okay." But then, I cried again when I was feeding napkins. Savita, my senior colleagues kept saying, "Why are you crying, Farah? Are you sick? Please stop crying." I laughed again after that because her reaction was so funny.

That was the episode of me crying at my workplace. Now what about being bitter at my workplace?

You know, when you're not feeling very well and you start crying without solid reason (I'm still figuring out why I was crying), you tend to become oversensitive. I think that's what happened to me. I was being oversensitive and everything became so bitter.

I was at the receiving end of our press machine. I was waiting for our sheets to come out. I sat down for less than a minute while waiting for the sheets, and I guess I had this blank stare. James asked me, "What are you doing, Farah? What are you looking at?" to which I politely replied, "I'm waiting for the sheets to come out." Then, he told me, "You can sort the face cloth while you're waiting, instead of sitting down doing nothing."

Mind you, I was sitting down for less than a minute. I was trying to catch my breath because Jung, my senior colleague was feeding the sheets so fast. And mind you again, I was feeling unwell. I also was so dehydrated by that time.

I don't think James had an ill intention when he was saying that. Like, I really do! But as I said before, I was being oversensitive. I know that but I can't help to feel so bitter after that! I felt like all my hard work all this while are useless and goes unnoticed just because I sat down for less than a minute for one time. 

I kept thinking to myself,

"Like... really James, why you have to pick on me when I am not in my best mood and my best shape."

"I guess you had no idea how hard I was working all this while. You should see yourself how hard I was working before you said that thing to me."

"You should feel thankful that I did not call in sick today."

"I guess I don't have to work as hard as now because you just gonna see the bad things that I did."

Why on earth I was so bitter?!

I just have to remind you again that James who made me feel so bitter is the same James that has been so nice to me. HE IS INDEED VERY NICE TO ME ALL THIS WHILE! I just have to emphasize this fact in case you're getting a wrong idea about him. He's a good manager but as I said, I was being bitter.

And you know what, I feel so sad right now because I truly feel that my hard work are useless as I lost my sincerity in working today. I am hoping to lose this bitter feeling in the next two days and to gain my sincerity back. May Allah ease.

39 comments:

  1. Hai farah! akk bru blik dr praktikel, dtg bce sini sambel tunggu bus... btw farah, its normal to feel like crying sometimes... akk pon kadang2... Akk selalunya mcm farah ni, masa seminggu sebelum akk period.. even boss akk ckp baik2 pon, akk pikir dia being sarcastic, he's picking on me... mcm tuh...xpe, farah jgn down...nnt bila mood da ok, dtg keje, just apologize je... ckp la, farah xsehat kan, not feeling well... ckp je sory...insyaAllah akk rasa, kawan2 farah sume faham :D cheer up farah yer... if anything, bgtau akk tau...akk sudi mendengar :D ok farah...jgn sedih jgn down... things will be better insyaAllah :D yer farah yer...

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    1. Tapi, masa ni saya tak period pun. hahahaha. Thanks kak Aisya. Tak sedih dah :)

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  2. sabar ye Farah..itu semua salah satu cabaran dalam hidup....hadapi nya dengan tenang okey

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  3. sabar kak farah, sometimes memang kita sendiri taktau apa jadi dengan kita even our own body kan? hahahaha.

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  4. Crying masa bulan puasa memang akan buat badan cepat dehydrated.
    But I think it's a phase. Habis phase habislah.
    But make sure Farah minta maaf balik dgn colleague2 yg terganggu tu tau.
    You have a very supportive group of colleagues, susah nak dapat group mcam tu tau.

    Senyum :)

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    Replies
    1. Insya Allah. Memang susah pun nak cari colleagues yang macam diaorang ni.

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  5. rindu Malaysia nie Farah... sabar naa. semoga terus kuat =)

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    1. Mungkin memang rindu kot. Terima kasih ^_^

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  6. Normal kot Farah...for us girls..lagi pulak bila jauh dari family n kawan-kawan.plus, bila orang concern ngan kita, kita akan nangis lagi kuat.sebab terharu orang care pasal kita.bitter at workplace tu perkara biasa jugak, later you'll learn to handle it.take care OK dear..n be strong.your colleague memang awesome!make sure they know that k?

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    1. Memang betul tu kak Sal. Memang terharu sangat. They are truly the best, indeed :)

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  7. semoga sabar kak farah. mungkin akak rasa down sikit atau penat buat keje ke.. kadang2 saya pun mcmtu, takde angin takde ribut tiba2 rasa asyik nak menangis je. emosi tak berapa stabil. tpi baiknya kawan2 akak, selalu prihatin dgn keadaan akak. beruntung sgt dpt kenal dgn diorang :)

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    1. Entahlah Mazni. Mungkin juga kot tu Mazni. Memang diaorang baik sangat-sangat dengan akak ^_^

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  8. Sayang. Are u okay now? Maybe adik penat sangat ni. Kalau tak larat pergi kerja, stay at home okay syg. Jaga diri. Bulan puasa ni. Jgn push diri sangat taw.

    Me love you!

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    1. Thanks kak Scha! Sekarang dah okay dah :)

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  9. Yup. There'll come one moment when you just feel oversensitive. Usually one period of the month. But, you're strong. Keep being strong :)

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    1. Memang betul tu, Hajar! Tapi, saya tak period pun masa tu.

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  10. take care adik farah.. maybe byk benda yg fikir smpai menangis mcm ni. kadang2 nangis boleh hilangkan tension tau tp jgn berterusan. tak elok. selamat hari raya di perantauan

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    1. Thanks! Entahlah. Mungkin juga kot.

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  11. I hope everything goes well at the workplace now :) pernah jugak rasa oversensitive macam ni especially tiba2 rasa left out la etc. lama-lama, i learned that i should not say any word, sbb end up I will regret what I said. :)

    Farah penat sangat kerja ni kot? dengan puasa lama lagi.

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    1. Amin. Amin. Amin. Thanks Hanis :)

      Tak tahulah apa sebab nangis-nangis.

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  12. Please bring back my cheerful Farah!

    Kak Sally pernah je kadang-kadang kena macam tu..people called it "mood swing"...mmg tak boleh lepas laa...huhuhu...just take care of yourself my dear :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. kan Sally kan.. its normal. kadang tu bila dah reda pun kita mcm question back kenapalah kita emo smacam tp x dapat jawapan pun. heheh..

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    2. Thanks kak Sally and kak Siti! :D

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    3. Hahahahaha...hell yes! duh! takpe laa...as long as you don't harm yourself pun dah okay...kadang-kadang syaitan ni byk keja nak buat...sampai mood orang pun dia nak kacau! :P

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  13. singgah sini sekejab, nk wish selamat hari raya Farah dan maaf zahir batin yer :D insyaAllah nnt free2 sikit akk dtg blogwalking sini yer :D Muah!

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    1. Selamat hari raya, kak Aisya :D

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  14. just cry darling when u feel like crying.. insyallah boleh lega jugak.. i think Farah is lucky sbb u hev quite good people around u.. akak rasa dgn culture kita yg beza and everything but they treat u nicely.. be strong girl =D

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    1. Setuju. Just cry. With or without solid reason :)

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    2. Agaknya itu pasal la saya lantak je menangis. Tak kisah apa pun.

      I am indeed very lucky, kak Siti! :D

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  15. "...just come, and lock the door, and cry your heart out."

    Sweet and concernnya :)

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    Replies
    1. Memang sweet sangat-sangat! :D

      Delete

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