Apa Reaksi Awak Bila Orang Cakap Pasal Seks and Seksualiti? | Doodles of Life

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Apa Reaksi Awak Bila Orang Cakap Pasal Seks and Seksualiti?

I wrote this post awhile ago but never had a courage to publish it. Well, the topic is kind of controversial (at least for me). However, I still think the finding of the discussion is educational. You can clearly see the differences of different cultures and different religions.

I took Sociology class in my second year. By far, Sociology is my favourite class in my university years. All thanks to the interesting chapters (I love reading about people and life) and my awesome professor! :)

One of the chapters in my Sociology class is Sexuality and Society. Basically, we learned how to approach sexuality topic from sociological perspective. I swear to God everyone in my class was so excited to learn about this topic (like seriously, I can see big grins in everyone's faces). My professor lagilah pumped up sebab dia consultant untuk program related to sex for high school students.

Saya?

Okay jelah nak belajar chapter ni. Rasa macam belajar chapters lain juga. Tapi, sebenarnya memang excited jugalah nak belajar sebab saya nak tahu opinion Canadians and orang yang ada socioloy background pasal LGBTIQ. LGBTIQ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trangender, Intersex, Questioning/Queer.

To sum the chapter up, my professor decided to make us answer a questionnaire. We had to answer Yes/No on a scrap paper. Lepas tu, paper tu direnyukkan dan dicampakkan ke hadapan, tempat professor saya berdiri. Lepas tu, dia bagi balik paper tu randomly. All these actions were necessary to ensure the anonymity. Sex ni kan taboo dan tak semua orang selesa bincang pasal benda ni. Termasuklah mat salleh, okay?
  1. Have you ever had sex?
  2. Have you ever had sex in public places?
  3. Have you ever had sex when you were high or intoxicated?
  4. Have you ever had sex and get paid?
  5. Have you ever had sex with your bosses or teachers?
  6. Have you ever had sex more than once in 24 hours?
  7. Do you consider oral sex as sex?
  8. Have you ever had oral sex?
  9. Have you ever had an orgasm?
  10. Have you ever had orgasm more than once when you were having sex?
  11. Have you ever imagined having sex with people who have same sex with you?
  12. Have you ever had sex with people who have same sex with you?
  13. Do you think masturbation is okay?
  14. Do you think prostitution should be fully legalized in Canada?
  15. Do you think extramarital sex is ever acceptable?
  16. Do you think sex is funny?
  17. Have you ever wondered about your thoughts regarding sex is normal?
  18. Do you think it is okay for 15 years old student to engage in sexual activities?
My thoughts of having to answer all these questions

Masya Allah, rasa extreme sangat kena jawab soalan-soalan macam ni. Dahlah ada benda yang saya tak pernah dengar dan tak pernah tahu pun wujud. I had to google few words yang memang saya tak pernah dengar. What a challenging questionnaire. Dekat Malaysia mana ada orang tanya soalan-soalan macam ni.

Listed below are some verdicts of the questionnaire. 

Overall, semua soalan ada orang jawab "Yes".

Almost 3/4 of my classmates are not virgin anymore (and they are proud of it?)

1/2 of the class cakap oral sex tu bukan sex. Lepas tu, professor saya tanya, "So, what is it? What is oral sex? A lunch? A dinner?". Satu kelas ketawa.

Hanya 2 orang sahaja yang cakap masturbation is not okay. Saya rasa saya dengan seorang sister je yang jawab no sebab kami berdua je Muslim dalam kelas tu.

My class is quite conservative because almost everyone said, prostitution should not be fully legalized, and extramarital sex is not acceptable.

Almost everyone said that sex is funny.

At least 2 or 3 people in my class are LGBTIQ.

15 is NEVER an okay age to engage in sexual activity.

My internal thoughts about the verdicts.
  • So, it's okay for them to engage in sexual activity as frequent as they want when they are not married. 
  • Tapi, kalau dah kahwin, tak boleh ada affairs.
  • You can have a sex with whoever that you want as long as that person is not a prostitute (?)
  • I guess we have different definition of conservative.
  • So, the story about people sleeping with their teachers or bosses to get higher grades or promotion is not a myth.
  • So, ada je orang buat seks dan dibayar tapi diaorang tak consider diri diaorang tu pelacur. Habis tu, apa ya term diaorang pakai? Call girl? Escort? Gigolo? Mistress? Anak ikan?

Habis je discussion ni, saya terus terfikir macam manalah agaknya kalau perbincangan macam ni dibuat dekat Malaysia. Mesti sedih kalau jawapannya lebih kurang je (kalau Muslim yang belum berkahwin yang jawablah).

Sedikit pesanan daripada saya untuk adik-adik, kawan-kawan, dan kakak-kakak di luar sana. Tolong jaga hati, jaga iman, jaga nafsu. Jangan mudah tergelincir dengan hasutan syaitan. Zina tu dosa besar. Moga Allah kuatkan diri kita semua, insya Allah :)

Dan untuk adik-adik, even mat salleh pun cakap 15 is NEVER an okay engage to engage in sexual activity. Well, apa-apa umur pun is never an okay age to engage in sexual activity kalau awak tiada pasangan yang halal. Jadikan agama Islam tu pegangan hidup :)

32 comments:

  1. Wow! Very challenging ni T_T Sex bagi diorang macam perkara biasa je T_T Mesti diorang jawab tu takde rasa malu ke apa T_T Farah ambil course apa ye ada study subject ni?

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    1. Yes, it's perkara biasa but they sill considered it as taboo. I guess tak malu kot sebab questionnaire ni anonymous je. So, takde siapa yang tahu.

      Saya ambil Sociology course. Masa ni belajar pasal Sexuality and Society.

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  2. MashAllah, tough soalan tu. Saya pun banyak kali kena encounter soalan2 tu especially from medical aspect.

    Pheww, kalau dari segi personal life, penat jugak bila tengok orang berPDA kat mana2 kat sini, takde segan silu pun. Dan, ada jugak kawan sekelas yang LGBTIQ and they are proud with it. And I know the feeling to see muka tak percaya diorang when we silently murmured that we don't have experience with sex (untuk yg belum kahwin).

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    1. Tough sangat for me sebab kita mana terdedah dekat benda ni. Rasa malu je bila nak google benda-benda yang kita tak tahu. Rasa lagi malu, bila dah tahu benda yang kita tak tahu tu.

      Betul tu Hanis. Penat sangat nak tengok orang berPDA ni. Tak tahu nak pandang mana kalau ternampak. Kita yang blushed. And all the things that you've said are totally spot one. Bila kita cakap, kita virgin, macam nak terkeluar mata diaorang mendengarnya. Terkejut sangat agaknya.

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  3. Kalau soalan tu buat dekat Malaysia, aku rasa most of yang menjawabnya akan menipu.
    Let say dlm lecture ada dlm 40 org student.
    Dapat soalan mcam 'pernahkah anda melakukan seks?', dan ada seorang dua jawab YA, maka pelajar lain akan pointing fingers dan si lecturer mungkin (out of curiosity) akan check balik itu kertas siapa.
    Sebab setahu aku, masyarakat kita takkan bercakap pon hal macam ni.
    Kalau ada kelas sociology yg keluarkan soalan macam ni dekat Malaysia, mesti ada student yg sentap dan snap picture dan gi sebar dekat laman sosial dan menjadi viral.

    You know, Malaysian...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Saya tahu masyarakat Malaysia memang takkan bincang pasal benda ni sebab sex tu kan taboo. Tapi, betul juga ya. Saya tak pernah pula fikir dari angle macam cEro ni. Tiba-tiba rasa macam boleh tambah dosa juga kalau buat questionnaire ni. Nanti, tak pasal-pasal budak-budaknya bergosip je.

      And yes, most probably will be viral lepas tu, semua orang pun nak bertelagah. Yadda yadda.

      Tapi, dekat sini lain. I guess in a way, we were comfortable (not really) to answer this question due to the anonymity. Kertas tu takde nama. Dan takde siapa pun kenal tulisan sesiapa. And, we've been emphasized to be open-minded and not to be judgmental lepas jawab questionnaire tu.

      At the end of the day, benda ni berpatah balik kepada agama, budaya, dan values yang kita pegang dalam hidup kita.

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  4. ahahahaha funny.. akak rasa it is okay to learn about sex.. bukan learn how to do sex but learn about it..
    baik buruk n sebagainya.. dats the prob with our society.. time krajaan nak kenalkan sex edu mati2 semua tanak..
    but see now.. brapa banyak kes kat malaysia regarding sexuallity.. bukan maksudnya nak galakkan..
    but u cant avoid it jugak somehow.. dengan skrang ni semua boleh dapat hujung jari.. kita halang tapi do u have ur 24/7 time untuk tengok anak2 ? no kan.. jadi if they r being exposed dgn this kind of education.. sekurang2nya depa sedaq sikit.. ada banyak benda buruk bleh jadi.. bukan sronok saja.. ahahah.. idk how to use nicer words tho ahaha..

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Betul tu kak Siti. Saya pun rasa sex education tu penting. Takpun, kena ada proper discussion pasal benda ni. Tak kisahlah dengan parents ke dengan cikgu ke. Tapi, syaratnya, tak bolehlah nak judgmental sangat. Rasa sedih sangat setiap kali baca masalah-masalah sosial dekat Malaysia tu. Terutamanya anak-anak Melayu Islam. Tapi, benda ni susahlah nak buat sebab budaya kita memang macam tu. Jenis yang tak bercakap pasal benda ni.

      Samalah kak Siti. I don't know how to put this thing into words supaya orang tak rasa offended ataupun fikir yang saya ni liberal sangat.

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    2. betul. tak semua family open untuk discuss pasal benda ni.. recently mak akak nak derma buku2 english novel akak kat library sek dia.. then happened to be dia pgg satu buku ni baca sinopsis ada 18sx nye scene. not even macam 50shades of grey pun. then dia jeling kat akak.. she questioned me.. nape baca buku macam tu ? then i said la why ? kamon.. english story kot.. u cant avoid it. its their culture. terus mak akak cem curious. heeey.. ahahaha.. im 25 and akak tahula nak beza nak nilai.. but see.. my mom's mentality.. aigooo aigoo..

      tak liberal la.. sembang about sex bukan maksud kita liberal.. kalo x tahu sngt pun bahaya jugak.. claim innocent lepas tu orang suruh buat apa pun buat. tu cari penyakit namanya..

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    3. Bukan mak akak je macam tu. My parents lagilah. They don't really like if I want to buy English books or novels (other than Reader's Digest, Chicken Soup, Harry Potter, or kids' book) sebab diaorang risau banyak sangat benda yang tak elok.

      Speaking about 50 Shades of Grey, saya tak pernah baca dan tak pernah tahu pun cerita tu pasal apa. But I guess, I get the rough idea about the book when I watched the trailer. My senior said 50 Shades of Grey yang film version punya was like a soft porn. Tapi, kalau baca novel dia, perghhhh. (Ada ke soft porn, hard porn?) <----- Pleases don't answer to that.

      And my senior advised me not to read the novels sebab dia kata saya ni innocent sangat. She did not want to taint my innocent mind. Well, I appreciate her advice. So, sampai la ni tak pernah baca 50 Shades of Grey lagi.

      Kira liberal la kak sebab benda ni benda sensitive kot. Kalau dekat sini, bolehlah bincang pasal ni, sebab environment sini tak hostile, tapi kalau kat Malaysia tu, susah sikitlah. Tak proper kata orang.

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    4. hihi parents r like that.. i bet one day bila kita jadi mommies pun akan ada protective side yang macam tu kan..

      owh malaysia tak kasi masuk 50shades of grey tu.. buku n movies.. yg jadinya akak tahu.. i hev a fren yg dulu study kat nz.. so obses with the story.. jadinya bila keep on posting kt fesbuk kita pun jadi curious. i watched the trailer too out of curiosity.. awat ramai sngt berkenan citer tu.. eeerk.. akak tak rasa film tu proper n elokla tak masuk malaysia ahaha..

      about that soft and hard thingy.. x nak jawab jugak. nak gelak je wakakakakakaka..

      boleh talked about it.. akak rasa lately pun topic mcm ni dah diterima sikit sbb pendedahan perlu diberikan.. especially to those young kids. kat sek ada gak talk about sex edu tp masih berlapik.. yg bercakap pun malu2 kucing nak explain ehehehe.. then how..

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    5. Betul tu kak Siti. Saya setuju sangat bab parents kita tu protective.

      Tahu yang 50 Shades of Grey tu kena ban dekat Malaysia. Kawan-kawan saya yang non-Muslim semua merungut sebab novels dan movies tu di ban dekat Malaysia. Ada je kawan saya yang suruh saya belikan buku tu dekat sini lepas tu bawa balik Malaysia. Tapi, saya tak beranilah nak belikan takut kena tahan pula nanti. Paranoid habis saya ni.

      Tak payah jawab soalan tu. LOL. Oh, ya ke? Saya tak tahu pun dekat sekolah dah start cakap benda-benda ni. Dah lama tinggal sekolah.

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  5. sosiologi ngan psikologi x sama eh?

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    1. Tak sama. Lain sangat. I'm not really sure about the definite differences tapi daripada apa yang saya faham dan saya belajar, (please don't quote me on this as I only took introduction classes), Psychology is more sciencey while Sociology takes other approaches (associations, lenses, theories) other than science. Oh, you also learn about societies in Sociology while in Psychology, you learn more about individual.

      Hope that answers your question.

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  6. So lucky to have the chance on getting to know about others cultures and religions.

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    1. I am indeed very lucky. I cannot deny that :)

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  7. Pehhh soalan2 nyaaaa.. farah study bahagian pe ek? :)

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    1. Memang pehhh untuk saya ni, kak Nadyya. Saya study Tourism Management. Tapi, saya ambil Sociology ni untuk elective subject saya.

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  8. Hi assalamualaikum kak farah eheehe <3 windu!
    hihu. thank you so much for this post seriously.
    jangan DEKATI zina pun kan. :/
    haih sebab tu kena jaga ikhtilat kan T_T

    Qila haritu kan gi tarbiyah sentap tu kan, waduh memang sentap habis hehe.
    Lagi lagi pasal ikhtilat & ukhuwah etc etc which may lead to upper level tu lah (zina hati, zina mata, etc etc)

    And reaksi qila kalau dpt soalan cemtu pergh.
    And yes T_T
    banyak words yg qila tak tahu huhu and yes mesti sedih kalau topic cemni brought in malaysia sbb hm too many zinas happening now T_T antara sedar atau tidak, antara kisah atau tidak </3

    Oh ya! thank you kak farah!!!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi Qila! Rindu Qila juga :)

      Betul. Sebab tu kita kena jaga ikhtilat. Tapi, mat salleh tak tahu pun ikhtilat tu apa. hehehe.
      Baguslah Qila pergi program macam tu. Boleh share dekat akak nanti. Teringin juga nak tambah ilmu lagi sekarang ni.

      Kalau tak tahu tak payah cari ya, Qila. Memang sangat saedih tengok keadaan sosial dekat Malaysia tu sekarang.

      Delete
  9. Yes, topik ni subjek to various reactions dan bergantung pada how we perceive it. Rasa-rasanya kalau kita buat survey ni dalam kalangan pelajar kita di Malaysia, verdictsnya jauh beza ke tidak ;)

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    1. Betul tu kak Farrah. Semua ni bergantung kepada nilai hidup kita. Tak tahulah kak Farrah. Kalaulah soalan-soalan macam ni ditanya kepada pelajar-pelajar di Malaysia, saya berharap sangat yang verdicts jauh berbeza. Sangat sedihlah kalau sama je dengan orang dekat sini T___T

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  10. i'm very open minded to talk about this kind of things dengan my girl-friends. tapi kalau cakap depan satu kuliah memang tak la kan... betul bab affairs tu.. kalau dah kahwin, diorang kena setia pada satu. sebab tu most of american citizen, diorang x kahwin or kahwin lambat. mana ada kahwin awal macam orang malaysia ni.

    tapi bab gay and lesbian tu agak mengerikan. maybe diorang banyak sangat dah terdedah dengan seks ni sampai rasa bosan, diorang bertukar ke arah lain pula. yek..

    pernah tengok cerita Easy A tak? perempuan tu dipandang rendah sebab still a virgin. beza dengan pegangan Islam. sebab tu sape yang dah tak virgin, diorang rasa proud gila. sebab kiranya ada orang nak dia la

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Betul tu Amy. Saya pun macam tu. I'm open to discuss this with my girlfriends. Kalau dalam class tu, saya dengar jelah orang lain berdebat pasal ni. Mereka yang ada pengalaman.

      Itulah. Saya pun baru macam boleh relate kenapa mat salleh selalu kahwin lambat. Saya terkejut sebenarnya. Sebelum kahwin, kalau tidur dengan beratus-ratus orang, boleh je. Tapi lepas je kahwin, kena setia dengan seseorang tu. I find that very interesting.

      Pernah tengok Easy A tu. Memang sesiapa yang masih virgin dipandang macam loser. Sebab tu nak cari virgin people kat sini susah sangat. Hari tu ada research study pasal virgins. Tapi, saya tengok macam takde orang pun pergi research study je sebab takde orang ambil maklumat pasal research study tu. Memang berbeza sangat dengan pegangan Islam.

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  11. kalau sembang2 bab macam ni dengan girlfriends kita boleh je.. curiosity utk tahu itu ini memang tinggi, dapat pulak member yang dah tak sabar sangat nak kahwin ni.. so, we're intend to discuss about this topic. But , most of my friend didnt like it...maybe they think that it is inappropriate topic to discuss about.. among us..maybe..

    thank you for sharing this entry sis. i read about the comments too. saya pun rasa rakyat Malaysia sensitif dengan benda-benda macam ni. Hmmmm

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Betul tu Zati. Kalau bincang dengan girlfriends, bolehlah kot. Tapi, girlfriends kena open-minded juga. Dan, tidak judgmental.

      Memang sensitif sebab benda ni pun sensitif. Budaya kita kan lain :)

      Delete
  12. kalau buat questionnaire ni dalam kelas yang tertutup dekat Malaysia, majoriti akan menipu. Trust me...sebab kita ni lebih risaukan pandangan manusia dari pandangan Allah.

    teringat siri 'Sex n the city', like every episod Carrie tu 'tukar pakwe' ..giler lah, tak rasa special dah benda tu kalau dah jadi too random

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    1. Betul tu kak Sal. Lagipun, benda macam ni tak kena dengan budaya kita.

      Saya tak ingat pula cerita Sex & The City tu macam mana. Nanti saya check balik cerita tu. Rasa macam dah pernah tengok tapi tak boleh recall jalan cerita dan watak-watak dalam tu.

      Delete
  13. walaupun belum kahwin tp kena ada pengetahuan pasal sex segala ni.. tp xperlu bg tahu org. agak segan nk cakap pasal sensitif ni depan public. maybe mereka dh jd terbiasa. semoga Farah jaga diri elok2 di sana :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Betul tu. Dekat sini bolehlah cakap depan-depan sebab benda ni diincang dalam kelas ^_^

      Insya Allah. Amin. Amin. Amin.

      Delete
  14. kalau kat msia ada soalan begitu..'HABISLAH'....msian ni sensitif sikit kalau nk bicara bab sex...maybe sebab msia lebih beradab...bertatasusila dan tak lah open minded sgt...kita masih berpegang kepada ajaran Islam

    klau org luar..sis JM pernah dengar..kalau ada ada perempuan yang masih virgin sebelum kahwin mereka akan di 'tertawakan'

    ReplyDelete

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